So you know, these characters descriptions contain accurate character info, then some made-up cheesy jokes. ^^;; I was bored...

 

- MAIN CHARACTERS -
(the playable ones)
Name: Lloyd
Wanzer: Shrike
Age: 23
Height: 186cm
Weight: 75kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Leader of the Carrion Crows, Lloyd was falsely accused of the destruction of a U.S.N. factory in the "Larcus Incident" and was disgraced and ousted from the O.C.U. A year later, Olson recruits Lloyd to do some investigation for the O.C.U. Lloyd accepts and is reinstated into the O.C.U. Lloyd is a nice guy and he feels that the war is all his fault. He thought getting a sex change would help him feel better, but being a woman wasn't satisfying enough so he got another sex change to be a man again. Actually, he didn't get a sex change. I made that part up because he looks so much like a woman. He needs to eat more arroz con pollo to add some meat to his bones.
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Name: Sakata
Wanzer: Raioh
Age: 28
Height: 175cm
Weight: 65kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, Sakata is one of Lloyd closest friends and was there when the "Larcus Incident" occurred and was also ousted from the O.C.U. He was reinstated at the same time Lloyd was. He is the son of Chairman Sakata of Sakata Industry.
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Name: Natalie
Wanzer: Primrose
Age: 21
Height: 168cm
Weight: 55kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
A member of the Carrion Crows, Natalie plays the role of the responsible, down to Earth character. She's also Blackwood's daughter (the Supreme Commander of the Carrion Crows). Natalie kinda looks like Celes from Final Fantasy 6. And Lloyd kinda looks like Locke from Final Fantasy 6. And together on the front cover of the Jap Front Mission box (which I have in my Pictures section), they look like Celes and Locke from Final Fantasy 6. Natalie also looks like Madonna. I can picture her on a giant wedding cake singing "Like a Virgin" while exotically stroking her body up and down. Can you picture that too? I'm sure you can.
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Name: Yang
Wanzer: Gyokuran
Age: 19
Height: 158cm
Weight: 19kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows. Yang joins the Crows when she is defeated by Lloyd in the city of Menasa. Look at that cute little Asian face! She's so cute!!! She ended up being my strongest character too. She's several levels above Lloyd even. I love you, Yang! ASIAN PRIDE!! (holds up Japan's flag and sings their anthem)
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Name: Frederick
Wanzer: Witness
Age: 30
Height: 177cm
Weight: 65kg
Status: Reporter/O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Frederick is a reporter who decides to join the Carrion Crows so he can get some good stories. He was investigating leads that the U.S.N. was conducting biogenic experiments. Frederick is also the ugliest character in Front Mission. He's scary!
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Name: Keith
Wanzer: Ms. Jerry
Age: 23
Height: 75cm
Weight: 23kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows. Keith and buddy J.J. were in hot water facing several U.S.N. Panzers until Lloyd and Natalie saved the day. Keith and J.J. quickly joined the Crows and have been there ever since. Keith looks so cool! I wish I could draw people like that. Keith makes me wonder... he named his wanzer "Ms. Jerry." Maybe he's trying to tell us something about his sexual preference. =P
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Name: J.J.
Wanzer: Hunter J.
Age: 25
Height: 192cm
Weight: 82kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, J.J. is Keith's best friend. He's the only black man in Front Mission. There should be more! We need more racial equality in video games! J.J. makes me wonder how close his friendship is with Keith. Knowing Keith's bisexual tendencies, they could be more than friends. Heh, jungle fever.
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Name: Paul
Wanzer: Rainbow
Age: 34
Height: 175cm
Weight: 67kg
Status: Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, Paul is a weapons junkie. The Crows first meet Paul while he is desperately defending his home city against a wave of enemy Wanzers. Paul is stuck in a feisty situation but if you manage to save him then he will join you. Like Keith, Paul also expresses his sexual preference by his Wanzer's name.
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Name: Hans
Wanzer: My Maria
Age: 23
Height: 186cm
Weight: 75kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, Hans is a professional hacker. He joins the Crows as a desperate attempt to save his life because he got caught hacking into classified government files. He's the only character in the game who wears a weird-lookin computer helmet. It also prevents us from knowing his true sex. Hans, are you a man or a woman? Or both? o_O The world will never know.
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Name: Maury
Wanzer: Tomy
Age: 42
Height: 164cm
Weight: 79kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
A Member of the Carrion Crows, Maury joined the Carrion Crows so he can somehow fulfill her revenge with armies for destroying her hometown. Maury even convinced J.J. and Keith to follow her on a crazy mission to attack a U.S.N. base alone. Lloyd and a few others showed up to help out after they heard of the insane attack. And yes, Maury is a woman.
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Name: Puranga
Wanzer: Natural
Age: 28
Height: 182cm
Weight: 72kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
A member of the Carrion Crows, Poranga joined after a member of the squad broke up a dispute between him and his friend Bobby. And he sure does look like a caveman.
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Name: Bobby
Wanzer: Death
Age: 32
Height: 187cm
Weight: 80kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows and English gentleman, Bobby and his pal Poranga joined the Crows after one of its members broke up a fight between them in the city of Peseta.
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Name: Yeehin
Wanzer: Garyo
Age: 17
Height: 172cm
Weight: 64kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
A member of the Carrion Crows, Yeehin was formerly a communications tech for the U.S.N. but defected to the O.C.U. A squad of U.S.N. Wanzers almost cut off Yeehin's escape, but the members of the Carrion Crows saved the day. This guy is actually Yang's little brother. Yang so cute! I love her to death. Her brother is butt ugly, it looks like he got his face stuck between Monica Lewinsky's legs.
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Name: Gregorio
Wanzer: ?
Age: 29
Height: 195cm
Weight: 195kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, Gregorio is an intimidating mass of muscle. His fighting techniques are known through out Huffman Island. After being defeated by a member of the ever-growing Carrion Crows, Gregorio gives up his life as a male prostitute and joins. Actually, he wasn't a male prostitute, but he sure gives off that impression.
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Name: Ralph
Wanzer: ?
Age: 34
Height: 180cm
Weight: 69kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, Ralph joined the squad in the middle of the "Second Huffman Conflict". He showed promise as he fought in the Coliseum in Fort Monus so he was given a spot in the group. Afterwards, he scared the Crows when he showed them the many things he can do with his pet goat and a deluxe vibrator. Actually, he didn't do that, but he sure gives off that impression.
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Name: Alder
Wanzer: ?
Age: 48
Height: 178cm
Weight: 74kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Member of the Carrion Crows, Adler joined the team in the city of Menasa. He's scary!! It's hard to see his pupils; he looks like a demon. It doesn't look like he has eyebrows either. Perhaps he's trying to keep the legacy of Sister Act 2 alive by trying to look like Whippy Goldburg (her eyebrows are shaved in that movie).
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Name: Gentz
Wanzer: Richter
Age: 39
Height: 186cm
Weight: 77kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
The mysterious member of the Carrion Crows, Gentz was once an enemy of the O.C.U. before he saw that the U.S.N. was using him and his private army. Ah yes, every Squaresoft game seems to have a dark ninja-like character.
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Name: Peewee
Age: 20
Height: 171cm
Weight: 93kg
Status: O.C.U. Supply Car Driver
Lol, Peewee rules. He drives the official Carrion Crows supply truck which conveniently repairs broken body parts and restocks your Wanzers' inventories. Peewee is so awesome! I want to be just like him when I grow up. I'm going to start right now and eat several bags of potato chips. Isn't Peewee so damn sexy?! He gives off such an attractive vibe. Peewee gets laid every night - no one can resist his charm. Neither can you! You can't fool me. I know you're licking your lips as you look at Peewee's sexy body.
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- OTHER CHARACTERS -

Name: Karen
Wanzer: Danger Lady
Age: 23
Height: 174cm
Weight: 23kg
Status: O.C.U. Wanzer Pilot
Karen is Lloyd's fiancée, until that fateful day on Huffman Island. Lloyd has one final run in with his former fiancée in his final battle with the infamous Driscoll. It was an experience that Lloyd wished had never happened. It was almost as horrid as the fact that Karen's mother-in-law is... Linda Tripp! Heh, not really, but it sure would've been quite the interesting experience.
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Name: Olson
Age: 47
Height: 180cm
Weight: 74kg
Status: O.C.U. Special Ops Commander
This is Don Olson of Don Olson Car Repair. Actually, he's the Special Operations Commander who reinstated Lloyd and Sakata and set them off on a mission to uncover a plot by the infamous U.S.N. to develop biogenic technology.
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Name: Blakewood
Age: 51
Height: 186cm
Weight: 80kg
Status: O.C.U. Supreme Commander
It's the spokesperson of KFC! Actually, this is just Blakewood, the government official that has been appointed to observe the operations of the Carrion Crows and to investigate Olson's investigation of the "Second Huffman Conflict". He is also Natalie's father, so he's especially concerned with the progress of the Carrion Crows.
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Name: Dr. Brown
Age: 49
Height: 188cm
Weight: 75kg
Status: O.C.U. Doctor
Oh my God! It's Jesus Christ! Actually, this is just Dr. Brown, a well known doctor who is loved by everyone. The O.C.U. suspects him of interacting with U.S.N. terrorists so they send out Lloyd & company to investigate his non-sexual relations.
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Name: Chairman Sakata
Age: 60
Height: 170cm
Weight: 60kg
Status: Committee, Sakata Industry
Chairman Sakata is the head of the of Sakata Industry Committee, a supplier of military weaponry to both the O.C.U. and the U.S.N. His son, President Sakata, is running the company under his supervision. Amazingly, Chairman Sakata's second son is Sakata of the Carrion Crows! Oh, what suspense!
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Name: President Sakata
Age: 31
Height: 178cm
Weight: 68kg
Status: Head of Sakata Industry
President Sakata, head of the Sakata Industry and son of Chairman Sakata, runs illegal weapons and technology development for the U.S.N. His father is unaware of his evil ambitions until it is too late.
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Name: Driscoll
Age: 28
Height: 183cm
Weight: 77kg
Status: U.S.N. Commander/Wanzer Pilot
The figure behind all the troubles of the O.C.U. is Driscoll. In other words, he's the bad guy! He along with Chairman Sakata plan to make all Wanzers obsolete with a new and horrifying technology. Oops, I just revealed part of the plot. Sorry. =P
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Name: n/a
Age: n/a
Height: n/a
Weight: n/a
Status: n/a
Driscoll? Is that you?! What have you done to yourself?!! AAAHHHHH!!!! . . . . . . . . . .
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